Gym Etiquette Part I

So, I began going to the gym again this week. Yay me! I was starting to realize that round is clearly not a good look for me. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm not actually Round, but I could lose a bit of weight. Regardless, I am trying to do some self improvement here.

I prefer to work out first thing in the morning. Yes, at 5 am; and No, I'm not crazy. Getting up is rough, but knowing that I can come home from work and sit on my ass in front of the TV until its bedtime , if I choose, is totally worth the 'rough' part of getting up. About 6 or 7 months back I had decided to go with the early morning routine; it was nice, I enjoyed it. I saw the same people every morning and it was quite pleasant.

So why did I stop going to the gym? Well, cause the weather became nicer and I began doing this "Couch to 5k" running program. Its made for people that are couch potatoes and want to better themselves and get into a little running. Well, for anyone that knows me, knows that I am the furthest thing from a couch potato, but, I have always claimed that running was against my religion and therefore couldn't do it. I knew that this running thing would not be easy, but I am always up for a challenge, so I began running after work around the Fens. And yes, I was able to work thru almost the whole program. I missed the last week, and basically haven't worked out since mid September.

Now, lets fast forward to two weeks ago, I realized that I hadn't renewed my membership at the gym and the weather was getting not so nice and the days were getting shorter. So, I went to Marino, gave the little freshman work study my $425 and renewed my gym membership (which is a whole other story within itself). Anyways, back to me re-starting to go to the gym this week.

So, I go on Tuesday, all is good, really motivated for Wednesday. Get there on Wednesday, thought, "Well I haven't done the arc trainer in a while, I sweat a lot on that, yeah, lets go with that for 45 minutes...I can totally make this part of my routine." So here I am working out, blastin' some tunes, when all of a sudden I become paranoid because I have seen HER. I had completely forgotten about HER! Shit! God Damn it!! "God, please, please, please, I beg you not to have HER get on the machine next to me. I have been nice to people lately, haven't i?" Up the stairs she walks...she is clearly in my sight and she is eying the arc trainers as well. At this point, I'm thinking, "I'm a dead woman. Mom and dad, I love you, John I love you too....oh and Melanie, looks like you and Mike will have to entertain John in Vegas, cause I'll be in prison." But thankfully, she passed me and moved on. Phew!

Now, I am sure you are asking who HER or SHE is. Well, she is the 50's-ish woman who comes to the gym in the mornings as well. She must be a professor or something. So, what's her deal right? Why am I paranoid when this woman comes around? Well, cause SHE, my friends, does the unthinkable....SHE farts and moans all at the same time while working out...I shit you not! I can understand older people may have some issues with gas, holding it in, etc. Its okay, I can deal with that...but WTF is up with the moaning, she sounds like a porn star!! Can she not f-in hear herself? Lady, does your husband know you moan off the clock? WTF!!!!

It gets better. She is the type of person at the gym...we ALL have encountered this person...that insists on getting on the machine right next to you! Yes, there are 20 other machines, but nooooo, she has to get on the one right next to you. If it is peak time at the gym, this rule does not come into effect, but really....like really, IT'S 5AM!!! There are like 10 people in the gym if u count Omar and his help. Many people would say, "Well, just make sure you don't get on the machine she usually uses." Well Genius, she's a hopper, that's right, she has no routine!! She does something different everyday. I have encountered her on the treadclimber, the arc trainer, the stairmaster and the elliptical. I dunno, do you think its common courtesy, if the gym is empty, to leave one machine (at least) between you and the next person? I dunno, maybe i'm the idiot....